Does your child shut down when learning gets hard?

Maybe you hear things like:

“I’m just bad at reading.”

“I can’t spell.”

“I’m stupid.”

“I’ll never be able to do this.”

Kids with dyslexia and ADHD often experience more difficulty with everyday academic tasks than their peers. Reading, writing, spelling, remembering instructions, staying organized, or simply getting started can require tremendous effort.

Over time, those repeated struggles can affect more than a child's academic skills. They can begin to affect what kids believe about themselves as learners.

A child who repeatedly thinks, I'm terrible at reading, I'm just not good at math, or I can't do this may eventually stop taking the risks that learning requires.

This is why understanding growth mindset can be especially powerful for kids with dyslexia and ADHD. It can help them separate:

“This is hard for me” from “I'm not capable.”

And that distinction can make an enormous difference in a struggling learner's confidence.

What Is a Growth Mindset?

Psychologist Carol Dweck and her colleagues at Stanford University have spent decades studying how our beliefs about intelligence and ability affect the way we approach learning.

Her research popularized the concepts of a fixed mindset and a growth mindset.

A person with a fixed mindset tends to believe that intelligence and ability are qualities you either have or you don't.

When learning comes easily, a child may conclude:

I'm smart.

But when learning is difficult, that same child may conclude:

I'm not smart.

A child with a growth mindset, on the other hand, understands that skills and abilities can develop over time through effective instruction, strategies, practice, feedback, and effort.

Instead of thinking:

I can't do this.

they think:

I can't do this yet.

Instead of seeing a mistake as proof that they aren't smart, they see it as information:

That strategy didn't work. What could I try next?

That may sound like a small difference, but it can profoundly affect how a child approaches learning.

Why Kids With Dyslexia and ADHD Can Lose Confidence

This is where growth mindset becomes particularly important for struggling learners.

Think about the learning experiences many of our kids have had.

A child with dyslexia may watch other kids learn to read quickly while they are still struggling to remember letter sounds.

A child with dysgraphia may have wonderful ideas but struggle tremendously to get those ideas onto paper.

A child with ADHD may know exactly what they're supposed to do but repeatedly forget assignments, lose materials, become distracted, or have difficulty getting started.

And this doesn't happen once.

It happens over and over again.

After enough of these experiences, kids can begin to form conclusions about themselves:

I'm bad at school.

I'm lazy.

I'm not smart.

Everyone else can do this except me.

Why should I even try?

Sometimes what looks like laziness, resistance, or lack of motivation is actually a child trying to protect themselves from another experience of failure.

When we understand that, we can begin to address what's happening underneath the behavior.

Growth Mindset Doesn't Mean “Just Try Harder”

This is especially important when we're talking about kids with learning differences.

Growth mindset does not mean telling a struggling child:

You can do anything if you just try hard enough!

A child with dyslexia still needs appropriate, evidence-based reading instruction.

A child with dysgraphia may need accommodations for writing.

A child with ADHD may need explicit support for executive function skills, shorter assignments, movement, reminders, or other accommodations.

Effort matters, but effort alone isn't enough.

Our kids need the right instruction, appropriate accommodations, effective strategies, and opportunities to experience real success.

Growth mindset helps them understand that needing those things isn't evidence that they are incapable.

It simply means they need to learn in the way that works for their brain.

What the Research on Growth Mindset Found

One of Dweck's well-known studies followed students as they entered seventh grade.

Researchers found that students' beliefs about intelligence were related to how they responded to the increased academic demands of middle school.

Students with more of a growth mindset were more likely to value learning and effort and to respond productively when school became difficult.

Students with more of a fixed mindset were more likely to avoid challenges or interpret difficulty as evidence that they weren't smart.

This distinction is especially relevant for kids with dyslexia and ADHD because struggle is an unavoidable part of learning—and our kids may experience considerably more of it.

If a child interprets struggle as:

This proves I'm not smart.

every difficult assignment threatens their confidence.

But if struggle means:

I haven't learned this yet.

there is somewhere to go from there.

The Way We Praise Kids Matters

Another fascinating part of Dweck's research looked at the way adults praise children.

In one well-known experiment, children completed a task and received different kinds of praise.

Some were praised for their intelligence:

“You must be really smart.”

Others were praised for their process and effort:

“You must have worked really hard.”

When the children were later given a choice between an easier task and a more challenging one, the kind of praise they had received affected the challenge they chose.

Children praised primarily for being smart became more concerned with continuing to look smart.

Children praised for their process were more willing to take on a challenge.

This is an important distinction.

We don't want our children's confidence to depend on continually proving that they're smart.

We want them to develop the kind of confidence that says:

I can try something difficult without knowing whether I'll succeed.

That's a very different kind of confidence.

Praise More Than Effort

One misunderstanding about growth mindset is that we should simply replace:

“You're so smart!”

with:

“You worked so hard!”

But effort isn't the only thing worth noticing.

In fact, if a child is working extremely hard and making little progress, simply telling them to work harder can be incredibly discouraging.

Instead, notice the process.

You might say:

• “You remembered to use the strategy your reading teacher taught you.”
• “That didn't work the first time, so you tried another way.”
• “You asked for help when you got stuck.”
• “You caught that mistake yourself.”
• “You took a break when you were frustrated and came back to it.”
• “Look at how much easier this is for you than it was a month ago.”
• “You used speech-to-text so you could get all of those great ideas out of your head.”

Notice what all of these statements have in common.

We're helping kids recognize:

There are things I can do when learning gets hard.

That's where real confidence begins.

The Power of “Yet”

One of my favorite growth mindset tools is also one of the simplest.

Yet.

Listen for the fixed-mindset statements your child makes:

“I'm not good at reading.”

Add yet.

“I'm not good at reading yet.”

“I can't remember my multiplication facts.”

“I can't remember my multiplication facts yet.”

“I don't know how to organize my schoolwork.”

“I don't know how to organize my schoolwork yet.”

That tiny word changes the meaning of the entire sentence.

“I can't” sounds permanent.

“I can't yet” leaves room for growth.

Of course, we don't need to follow our kids around adding yet to everything they say. That would probably drive them crazy!

The point is to gradually help them understand that where they are today isn't necessarily where they will always be.

Confidence Comes From Experiencing Real Growth

This may be the most important piece of all.

We can tell our kids:

You're smart.

You can do this.

Don't give up.

But confidence doesn't ultimately come from our kids hearing encouraging things about themselves.

It comes from experiencing themselves becoming capable.

They need opportunities to look back and realize:

That used to be really hard for me.

Now I can do it.

This is one reason appropriate instruction and accommodations are so important.

When the level of challenge is appropriate and kids have the support they need, they begin accumulating evidence that they can learn.

A dyslexic child finally reads a book that would have been impossible a year ago.

A child with ADHD learns how to use a checklist to complete their morning routine independently.

A struggling writer discovers that speech-to-text allows them to communicate the complex ideas they've always had in their head.

Those experiences create something much more powerful than empty encouragement.

They create competence.

And competence creates authentic confidence.

Our Mindset as Parents Matters, Too

There is one more person in our homeschool who needs a growth mindset:

us.

It's easy for parents of kids with learning differences to develop our own fixed ideas.

My child is so far behind.

We've tried everything.

They'll never become independent.

I'm failing them.

We need the power of yet, too.

My child isn't reading fluently yet.

We haven't found the right approach yet.

My child isn't working independently yet.

I don't have this homeschool figured out yet.

Learning differences often mean that development happens on a different timetable and through a different path.

Our kids may need more time.

They may need different instruction.

They may need accommodations.

They may reach milestones in an order we didn't expect.

Different doesn't mean incapable.

And when we truly believe that, our kids can feel the difference.

Difficulty Does Not Mean Inability

Perhaps this is the most important growth mindset message we can give a child with dyslexia or ADHD:

Something being difficult for you does not mean you are incapable of learning.

Our kids don't need us to pretend learning isn't hard.

Sometimes it is hard.

They need us to help them understand why it's hard, provide the instruction and support they need, notice their progress, and teach them what to do when they get stuck.

Over time, instead of thinking:

I can't do this.

they can begin to think:

This is hard for me. What can I try next?

And instead of seeing every struggle as evidence of what they can't do, they begin accumulating evidence of something much more important:

I am capable of learning and growing—even when learning is hard for me.

That is the kind of confidence I want our kids to carry with them long after their homeschool years are over.

Want to Help Your Child Develop a Growth Mindset?

Understanding growth mindset is the first step. The next step is learning how to intentionally encourage it through the language we use, the way we respond to mistakes, and the way we help our kids recognize their own progress.

Next: How to Teach a Growth Mindset to Kids With Dyslexia and ADHD

Growth Mindset Resources

Big Life Journal Known for their best-selling journals for kids and teens as well as beautifully illustrated worksheets and motivational printables.

Mindset by Carol Dweck. Read from the researcher herself about the strategies used to study the amazing impact of a growth mindset on students.

How can you see teaching this growth mindset changing your kids' attitudes and motivation to learn?