Does your child know what they're supposed to do—but can't seem to get started?

Do they constantly lose things, forget directions, underestimate how long assignments will take, or become completely overwhelmed by a project that has several steps?

Maybe you find yourself wondering:

Why can't my child just DO what they know they're supposed to do?

The answer may have less to do with motivation and more to do with executive function.

Executive function refers to a group of mental skills that help us manage ourselves and get things done.

These skills affect nearly every part of learning—and they're especially important to understand if you're homeschooling a child with ADHD, dyslexia, or other learning differences.

What Is Executive Function?

Think of executive function as the brain's management system.

Executive function skills help us:

• Pay attention
• Get started
• Remember what we're supposed to be doing
• Plan and organize
• Prioritize
• Manage time
• Resist distractions
• Control impulses
• Shift from one activity to another
• Monitor our progress
• Adjust when something isn't working
• Manage frustration
• Finish what we start

Think about how much executive function is required during a normal homeschool day.

Your child needs to remember that math comes after breakfast, find the correct book, understand the directions, get started, ignore distractions, keep track of their work, notice when they've made a mistake, finish the assignment, put everything away, and transition to the next subject.

And that's before we've even considered whether they understand the math!

A child can be perfectly capable of learning something while still struggling tremendously with all the management skills required to get the learning done.

Three Important Areas of Executive Function

Executive function includes many interconnected skills, but three foundational areas help explain how it works.

Working Memory

Working memory is our ability to hold information in our minds while we're using it.

Your child uses working memory when they:

• Remember multi-step directions
• Hold numbers in mind while solving a math problem
• Remember what they just read
• Keep track of where they are in an assignment
• Remember what they're supposed to do next

A child with weak working memory may repeatedly ask:

"Wait...what am I supposed to be doing?"

[Read more about working memory and learning.]

Inhibitory Control

Inhibitory control helps us pause before acting and resist distractions, impulses, and habits.

It helps a child ignore the dog walking through the room, resist checking their phone, wait their turn, stop themselves from blurting something out, and stay with an assignment even when something more interesting catches their attention.

This is an area that can be particularly challenging for kids with ADHD.

Cognitive Flexibility

Cognitive flexibility is the ability to shift gears.

It allows us to change strategies when something isn't working, transition between activities, consider another person's perspective, and adjust when plans change.

A child with weak cognitive flexibility may become very frustrated when:

• A schedule changes unexpectedly
• They're asked to stop a preferred activity
• Their first attempt at solving a problem doesn't work
• They're asked to approach something differently

Together, working memory, inhibitory control, and cognitive flexibility provide the foundation for many of the executive function skills we rely on every day.

What Does Executive Function Weakness Look Like?

Executive function weakness can look very different from one child to another.

One child may be extremely disorganized.

Another may be organized but unable to get started.

Another may start 15 projects and finish none of them.

Another may do well with everyday assignments but completely fall apart when they're given a long-term project.

You might notice that your child:

• Has trouble getting started, even when they know what to do
• Needs directions repeated frequently
• Loses books, pencils, assignments, or personal belongings
• Has difficulty estimating how long something will take
• Frequently runs out of time
• Rushes through work carelessly
• Takes an unusually long time to complete assignments
• Has trouble planning larger projects
• Becomes overwhelmed by tasks with several steps
• Forgets what they were doing when interrupted
• Is easily distracted
• Has difficulty transitioning between activities
• Struggles to decide what to do first
• Has trouble applying feedback to their work
• Continues using a strategy even when it clearly isn't working
• Has difficulty keeping track of several pieces of information at once
• Frequently forgets what they're supposed to do next
• Has big emotional reactions when frustrated or plans change
• Needs frequent reminders to complete everyday routines
• Starts things but doesn't finish them

Many of these behaviors can be frustrating for parents because the child may seem perfectly capable of doing the task.

And often, they are capable of doing it.

The difficulty is managing themselves well enough to make it happen.

Executive Function Weakness Can Look Like Laziness

This is one of the most important things for parents to understand.

Executive function weakness can easily look like:

Laziness.

Lack of motivation.

Carelessness.

Defiance.

Not listening.

You tell your child to go upstairs, get their math book, bring down a pencil, and start problems 1–10.

Twenty minutes later, you find them upstairs building LEGO.

It can certainly look like they ignored you.

But consider what that seemingly simple request required.

They had to hold several instructions in working memory, resist distractions along the way, locate their materials, remember the original goal, return downstairs, organize themselves, and initiate the assignment.

That's a lot of executive function.

Understanding this doesn't mean we stop expecting our kids to grow in responsibility.

It changes how we help them get there.

Instead of simply saying, "You need to be more responsible," we can identify the specific skill they're struggling with and provide support while they learn it.

Executive Function and ADHD

Executive function is particularly important for parents of kids with ADHD to understand.

Many of the difficulties we associate with ADHD involve executive function skills, including:

• Sustaining attention
• Resisting distractions
• Controlling impulses
• Getting started
• Managing time
• Organizing
• Remembering directions
• Completing tasks
• Regulating emotions

This explains something that can be incredibly confusing for parents:

A child with ADHD may know exactly what they're supposed to do and still struggle to do it consistently.

Knowledge and execution are not the same thing.

That's why accommodations such as checklists, timers, movement breaks, shorter work periods, written directions, and help breaking assignments into steps can be so helpful.

[Read: 10 Best Homeschool Accommodations for Kids With ADHD]

What About Dyslexia and Executive Function?

Dyslexia and executive function weakness aren't the same thing.

Dyslexia primarily affects skills involved in accurate and fluent word reading and spelling.

However, a child can certainly have both dyslexia and executive function weaknesses. ADHD also commonly occurs alongside dyslexia.

And think about the additional demands dyslexia can place on executive function.

When reading isn't automatic, a child may need to use tremendous mental energy simply to decode the words.

When spelling isn't automatic, writing requires more conscious effort.

When schoolwork is consistently difficult, sustaining attention, managing frustration, organizing information, and getting started can become even harder.

So when you're homeschooling a child with dyslexia, it's worth looking beyond reading and spelling.

Sometimes the difficulty you're seeing isn't another reading problem.

It's an executive function problem.

Executive Function Develops Over Time

Here's another important thing to remember:

Executive function develops gradually.

We aren't born knowing how to organize a research project, estimate how long an assignment will take, prioritize a to-do list, manage a calendar, or plan backward from a deadline.

These skills develop throughout childhood and adolescence and continue maturing into young adulthood.

This is particularly important during the middle and high school years.

Academic expectations suddenly require much more executive function.

Students have longer assignments.

More independent work.

More subjects.

More deadlines.

More complicated schedules.

Long-term projects.

And increasingly, adults expect them to manage these responsibilities themselves.

That's why a child who seemed to manage elementary school reasonably well can suddenly appear much more disorganized or overwhelmed in middle school.

Sometimes their executive function didn't suddenly get worse.

The demands on it got much greater.

How Can Parents Help Kids With Weak Executive Function?

The answer isn't to become your child's executive function system forever.

But it also isn't to suddenly remove all support and tell them they need to be more independent.

The goal is gradual transfer.

We provide external support while helping our kids slowly learn to manage more of those functions themselves.

Here are some simple ways to do that.

Externalize What They Have Trouble Managing Internally

If your child can't remember the steps, write them down.

If they can't sense how much time is passing, use a timer.

If they can't remember what's next, create a visual schedule.

If they lose everything, give important materials a consistent home.

If a project feels overwhelming, break it into smaller steps.

Some helpful supports include:

• Checklists
• Visual schedules
• Timers
• Alarms and reminders
• Planners
• Written directions
• Designated places for materials
• Routines
• Graphic organizers
• Breaking assignments into smaller pieces

These aren't crutches.

They're tools.

Teach the Skill Instead of Just Expecting It

Sometimes we expect executive function skills without ever explicitly teaching them.

Instead of:

"You need to manage your time better."

Try:

"Let's look at what you need to finish today and estimate how long each thing will take."

Instead of:

"You need to get organized."

Try:

"Let's decide where your math book should live so you always know where to find it."

Instead of:

"Stop procrastinating and start your report."

Try:

"What's the very first thing you need to do? Let's start there."

Make the invisible process visible.

Use an I Do – We Do – You Do Approach

One of my favorite ways to teach executive function skills is through gradual release.

I Do:
At first, you provide most of the structure.

You create the checklist.

You break the assignment into steps.

You set the timer.

We Do:
Next, you do it together.

"What should we put on your checklist today?"

"How should we break this project into pieces?"

"What time should you set your reminder?"

You Do:
Eventually, your child begins managing the system independently.

They make the list.

They set the alarm.

They check the planner.

They break the project into steps.

This doesn't happen overnight.

But over time, you're gradually transferring the responsibility from your executive function to theirs.

Accommodations Can Build Independence

Parents sometimes worry that providing too much support will make their child dependent.

But the right kind of support can actually create greater independence.

If Mom has to remind a child what comes next all day long, that child is dependent on Mom.

If the child learns to use a checklist, they can begin managing their routine themselves.

If Mom constantly reminds a teenager about deadlines, they're dependent on Mom.

If the teenager learns to enter deadlines into a calendar with reminders, the system begins doing the job Mom used to do.

That's the bigger goal.

We're not trying to eliminate support.

We're trying to help our kids gradually learn to use tools, strategies, and systems they can manage for themselves.

[Read: How to Help Kids With Dyslexia and ADHD Become More Independent Learners]

Start With One Executive Function Challenge

If you're reading this and thinking:

My child struggles with ALL of these things!

Don't try to fix everything at once.

Choose one area that's causing the most difficulty right now.

Maybe it's:

• Getting started
• Remembering assignments
• Losing materials
• Managing time
• Following multi-step directions
• Transitioning between subjects

Then ask:

What is making this difficult?

And:

What external support could make it easier?

Start there.

Executive function skills take time to develop—especially for kids with ADHD and other learning differences.

Our job isn't to make our kids completely independent overnight.

It's to identify the next skill they need, give them enough support to experience success, and gradually help them take more responsibility as they're ready.

That's how executive function grows.

And that's how our kids eventually learn to manage their learning—and their lives—with greater confidence and independence.

More Executive Function & ADHD Resources

[Working Memory and Learning: Why Your Child Can't Remember]

[10 Best Homeschool Accommodations for Kids With ADHD]

[How to Help Kids With Dyslexia and ADHD Become More Independent Learners]

[Homeschooling a Child With Inattentive ADHD]

[Strategies for Helping Your Unorganized, Unmotivated Child]

[Executive Function Master Class]

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How about you? How have you helped your child with executive function weakness?