One of the biggest challenges of homeschooling multiple kids—especially kids with dyslexia and ADHD—is that everybody seems to need you. All. The. Time.
You’re trying to do a reading lesson with one child while another needs help logging into math. Someone can’t remember what they’re supposed to be doing. Another wants you to read the directions. Someone can’t find a pencil.
And the child you finally got started comes back three minutes later because they’re stuck.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
Independent learning can be especially difficult for kids with dyslexia, ADHD, and executive function weaknesses. But that doesn’t mean our kids can’t become more independent learners.
The key is understanding why they need so much help—and gradually giving them the skills, tools, accommodations, and routines they need to manage more on their own.
If you prefer to listen to this post, click the player below:
Independence Is a Skill
We sometimes think of independence as a personality trait: some kids are independent and others aren't.
But independence actually requires a whole collection of skills.
To work independently, a child needs to be able to:
- Understand what to do
- Get started
- Stay focused
- Remember directions
- Know what to do when they get stuck
- Manage their materials
- Monitor their own work
- Finish a task
- Transition to the next activity
For a child with ADHD or executive function weaknesses, that's a lot of executive function!
Learn more about Executive Function here.
For a child with dyslexia, there can be another problem: the supposedly "independent" activity may require reading or writing skills they simply don't have yet.
Instead of asking, "Why can't my child be more independent?", try asking:
What skill or support is my child missing that would make greater independence possible?
That question can completely change how we approach independent learning.
Why Does My Child Need Me for Everything?
Before trying to make our kids more independent, it helps to figure out exactly why they're relying on us.
Here are some of the most common reasons.
1. The Work Isn't Actually Accessible Independently
Imagine a 10-year-old with dyslexia who understands fifth-grade history beautifully but cannot independently read a fifth-grade history textbook.
That's not an independence problem.
It's an access problem.
Give that child an audiobook or text-to-speech, and suddenly they may be perfectly capable of learning the material without Mom sitting beside them.
This was something I had to learn in my own homeschool.
For a long time, I wanted to be present for all of my kids' learning. I loved learning alongside them. But eventually, homeschooling eight kids forced me to let go of some of that.
Sometimes we need to stop being the child's access point to learning and give them tools that allow them to access information themselves.
And that's where accommodations can actually increase independence.
Accommodations Can Create Independence
Parents sometimes worry about accommodations.
If I let my child use audiobooks, speech-to-text, a calculator, or a checklist, won't they become dependent on those things?
Learn more about accommodations for dyslexia and ADHD here.
But sometimes the opposite is true.
Refusing accommodations can actually make a child more dependent on you.
Think about these simple substitutions:
Mom reads the textbook → Audiobook
Mom writes every answer → Speech-to-text
Mom reminds the child of every step → Checklist
Mom explains written directions → Text-to-speech or recorded directions
Mom repeatedly redirects → Timer or visual routine
The goal isn't necessarily to remove support.
The goal is to transfer support from you to tools and systems your child can eventually use independently.
That's an important distinction when homeschooling children with dyslexia and ADHD.
2. They Don't Understand What They're Supposed to Do
Sometimes kids aren't working independently because the directions themselves require too much working memory.
Maybe there are too many steps.
Maybe the directions are too long.
Maybe your child understood when you explained the assignment—but forgot what you said 30 seconds later.
Instead of explaining the same thing over and over, try externalizing the directions.
You might use:
- A checklist
- Written steps
- Visual directions
- A sample completed problem
- A simple daily routine
This is especially important when you're beginning a new school year or introducing a new curriculum.
You may need to sit with your child for a while as they learn how the program works. That's okay.
Build that teaching time into your schedule. You're not failing at independence. You're teaching the routines that eventually make independence possible.
3. They Can't Get Started
Task initiation is a classic executive function challenge.
A child may know exactly what they're supposed to do and still be unable to get themselves started.
If that's the problem, they may not need you sitting beside them for the entire assignment.
They may simply need help taking the first step.
Open the book.
Pull up the assignment.
Read the first question.
Start the timer.
Once they're moving, you may be able to walk away.
The more precisely we identify the problem, the less support we may actually need to provide.
4. They Can't Sustain Attention
Sometimes our expectations for independent work simply exceed what a child's brain can currently manage.
Maybe we're expecting 45 minutes of independent work from a child who can realistically sustain attention for 15.
I saw this often with my own kids with ADHD, particularly with subjects like math.
Sometimes we broke lessons into smaller chunks. Other times I modified an assignment and required fewer problems.
And for some of my kids, getting some brisk physical activity before a focus-heavy lesson was a game changer.
Instead of asking, "Why can't you finish this independently?" consider asking:
How much independent work can my child successfully manage right now?
Start there and build.
5. Mom Has Become the Executive Function System
This one sneaks up on us.
"Okay, now do math."
"Did you get your book?"
"Remember, you're doing numbers 1–10."
"Did you finish?"
"Okay, put that away. Now get your spelling."
Sound familiar?
Without realizing it, Mom can become the child's executive function system.
And there's a good reason we do this—it works!
Things get done.
But eventually, we want to begin transferring some of those responsibilities away from us and into systems our kids can use themselves.
A planner can remember what's next.
A checklist can remember the steps.
A timer can keep track of time.
A designated shelf can keep track of materials.
A visual schedule can manage transitions.
Again, we're not simply taking support away.
We're changing where the support comes from.
How to Build Independent Learning With Dyslexia and ADHD
The goal isn't to wake up Monday morning and announce:
"You're in middle school now. Time to be independent!"
Instead, start with one thing.
Choose an activity your child is already fairly capable of doing and ask:
What does my child need in order to do this without me?
Maybe they need:
A clear starting cue:
"After breakfast, start typing."
Materials ready:
Everything they need lives in one place.
Clear directions:
A simple three-step checklist.
Accessible content:
An audiobook or text-to-speech.
A reasonable amount of work:
Fifteen minutes instead of 45.
A clear ending:
"When the timer goes off, put your materials here."
Then practice that routine until it becomes familiar.
After that, choose another activity.
Think gradual transfer, not sudden independence.
At first:
You do it together.
Then:
You help them get started.
Then:
They do it and you check afterward.
Eventually:
They manage it themselves.
That's how independent learning develops.
Independent Learning Doesn't Have to Mean Academics
This is particularly important if you're homeschooling several children.
If you're giving one child an intensive reading lesson, everyone else does not need to be doing impressive independent academic work.
Independent time might include:
- LEGO
- Drawing
- Outside play
- Chores
- Audiobooks
- Puzzles
- Crafts
- Educational games
- Typing
- Independent reading
- Exercise
- Hobbies
- Building or creating something
All of these give children opportunities to practice managing their own time and activity without needing constant input from you.
Independent learning is bigger than completing a worksheet alone.
It is gradually learning, I know what to do, I have what I need, and I can manage this without Mom doing it for me.
Don't Compare Your Child's Independence
Your 12-year-old with significant dyslexia and ADHD may require more support than someone else's 9-year-old.
That's okay.
One thing I've learned after homeschooling eight kids is that even children with the same diagnoses can be incredibly different.
Dyslexia and ADHD both exist on a continuum, and they manifest differently from one child to another.
One sibling may become independent quickly.
Another may need significant scaffolding well into high school.
The goal isn't:
"My child should be independent by age X."
The better question is:
"What is the next appropriate step toward greater independence for this child?"
That's what individualized education is all about.
Try This: The Independence Challenge
If you're feeling overwhelmed because your child needs you for everything, don't try to fix everything this week.
Choose one activity your child currently needs your help with.
Then ask yourself three questions:
- Why do they need me?
Is the problem reading? Directions? Attention? Initiation? Organization? An academic skill? - What could replace some of my support?
Could you introduce a tool, accommodation, checklist, routine, timer, audiobook, or shorter assignment? - What is one small step toward doing this with less help?
Then try it.
Your goal this week isn't to make your child independent.
It's simply to make one thing a little more independent.
Over time, those little steps add up.
Need Ideas for Independent Activities?
If you're thinking, Okay, Marianne, but WHAT can I actually give my kids to do independently while I'm working with another child?—I've got you covered.
I've put together a free list of Independent Learning Ideas for homeschoolers. It includes activities kids can do while you're teaching another child or simply working on helping them become more independent.
[Download the Free Independent Learning Ideas]
And remember: independence isn't about removing all support from a child with dyslexia or ADHD.
It's about giving them the right kind of support so they can gradually learn to do more for themselves.
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